{"id":134,"date":"2016-03-19T22:27:04","date_gmt":"2016-03-19T22:27:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.tiredandbeatup.com\/writings\/?p=134"},"modified":"2023-11-24T18:44:07","modified_gmt":"2023-11-24T18:44:07","slug":"i-cant-turn-the-page","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.tiredandbeatup.com\/writings\/i-cant-turn-the-page\/","title":{"rendered":"I can’t turn the page"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

I open my digital diary to write my thoughts in
It takes a long time to load, reminding me it\u2019s time to begin
a new word document; like I used to do before, when she was still around
every now and then, I would conclude an old doc and a new doc would be found..! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I would call it \u201cturning the page\u201d. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

But now I can\u2019t bring myself to turn anything
as if my heart refuses to have a new beginning
I write wrapped in the security of the old document
The file hangs; it\u2019s too big, I face a predicament

It pleads I close this chapter and begin again, afresh, anew and such
I balk. I will carry on living in the same sentence, thank you very much
I fear a comma maybe safe, a semi-colon may do, but a full stop – that’s dangerous!
Carrying in it the threat of a new sentence, a new paragraph, a new page – and that\u2019s serious!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A new page takes me further
and farther away from her
So. I can\u2019t turn the page.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Writing in the document that began when she was still near
feels like living in the same house, the same city, at least the same hemisphere
As her.
I imagine us living on Broadway, both of us
She uptown, I downtown, I could take the train or the bus
And even if no train or bus would take me to her place,
there is at least a straight, known path to her space
I would walk
And if no walk could cover such distance,
To take me to the meaning of my existence
I can still believe our new addresses share the same street name
Starting a new page, a new doc would be so lame
It would be like turning a corner or moving on, to another street
then another, and soon, any odds of running into her would be beat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The doc hangs again, I cross my fingers
The hourglass lingers
But No. I can\u2019t turn the page.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Swati is a sister, storyteller, a filmmaker, an environmentalist and a first generation immigrant to the United States. She can be reached via <\/em>Linkedin<\/em><\/a> and <\/em>swati@TiredAndBeatup.com<\/em><\/a><\/em>
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I imagine us living on Broadway, both of us
\nShe uptown, I downtown, I could take the train or the bus
\nAnd even if no train or bus would take me to her place,
\nthere is at least a straight, known path to her space…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":274,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"chat","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-134","post","type-post","status-publish","format-chat","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-reflections","post_format-post-format-chat"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.tiredandbeatup.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/134","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.tiredandbeatup.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.tiredandbeatup.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.tiredandbeatup.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.tiredandbeatup.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=134"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"http:\/\/www.tiredandbeatup.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/134\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":276,"href":"http:\/\/www.tiredandbeatup.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/134\/revisions\/276"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.tiredandbeatup.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/274"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.tiredandbeatup.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=134"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.tiredandbeatup.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=134"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.tiredandbeatup.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=134"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}